but the lord was not in a fire There are always two sides to it. Some describe it as the falling and then the terror of the flames, inextricably impossible to actually understand unless you are right there: no matter how many times we have seen this unravel on television. Or in the moment before it, another writes, is a lifelong struggle with our body–the only vessel that we must live with for our entire lives. Here, it’s as simple as crumbs on teeth, a self-induced fear of eating, and how in essence, it is just as easy to wipe ourselves from the face of the earth as with a wrapped, store-bought craving. The ability to erase ourselves does not ever diminish our lived lives. If anything, it adds value to it. If we were brought into an ephemeral, dying world without choice then temporary goodness is what we must do. The acceptance of this is integral to the act. During the first week of my freshman year at Yale, and precisely a day after I first settled in early in the dormitories at Vanderbilt Hall it happened (I was there early for the international student orientation; I came out of it with no friends that I still speak with until this day). I was lying on the Twin XL bed, feeling myself spilled out on it; getting used to an indentation and hum in the basement that would mark my next ten months on this campus. Then, I heard footsteps and a loud knocking on my door with a member of Yale Police stepping in and asking me if I was okay. She was very sure that I might have intended to kill myself that night. In around late 2019, I began thinking intensely about whether my coming to America had been my biggest mistake. On this space in the internet, for so many years, I’ve fawned and talked about how I lifted myself up–out of depression, out of fawning over the piano, out of revelations in school trips–and it had all led to my becoming. Now, I am more understanding; I do not bear knowledge of everything, but have given myself the counsel of empathy. It might be hard for you to believe, but talking to people is easy. It’s staying interested that’s the hard part. That I am fine with my voice filling rooms and memories, butMore?
I am doing things, at least I hope so. In the holidays, I did not go home and spent most of my time working (earning money, and working on side projects) and watching a lot of movies. Other things I got into at different points of time were incremental games (quite significantly, as I was trying to piece together what made Universal Paperclips was so different from other games). Leading User Experience Society at Yale — we’re one of few (? the first?) design organizations at Yale. UXSociety is a chapter of an undergraduate design organization first started in Ateneo by Alexis Collado (alexis if you see this i am very worried about meeting your expectations). We have big plans on projects we want to ship, and I have big ideas on how to instill a new design culture across the entire student body. Developh launched a site, is working on a website redesign, and is actually more active in output and impact than ever. With the growth of our leadership and the expansion of our scope and skill, I’m coming to terms with how organizational structures and systems best operate–especially when working with remote teams across shifting cultures–which is a interesting dimension that not a lot of Manila-based people think about. I’m interested in exploring that more since it has been fundamental to my approach and attitudes towards our work, but objectively: the growth of our community and education programs has been amazing. Continuing creative work at the Yale Center for Collaborative Arts & Media, my favorite place on-campus that is still a bit of a secret. I’m organizing Yale’s largest interdisciplinary anti-hackathon! it will be a really cool day of talks, building, and more. There is almost no record of me on-campus. There will be little to no footage of how I have lived here. I will never be able to pick apart these same nights from one another in the most special four years of live. I think that’s incredibly endearing of me—to live so little. Stuff Intern.ph, an interactive fiction page… Future In First Reformed (2017), a main gripe is a character who is an extreme environmental activist (not exaggerated anyway, but raw in despair and so, hauntingly empathetic — someone truly fighting) that believes it’s unjust to bring humans into this dying world. This is a main point of contention until he kills himself. IMore?